After I played my audition, as the jury was deliberating, I realized how badly I wanted this job. I had this funny moment where it suddenly dawned on me that I wanted nothing more than to move to Norway. Leading up to the audition I felt very wary of thinking too much about actually winning. But this morning I woke up and I felt total sure that I wanted the job, total sure that I loved Bergen, and totally sure that I was in fact going to win. I played well.
There were only two people auditioning for this job. .
I came in second.
Interestingly, I feel fine about the results from a viola perspective. I don't know what they were looking for, but I felt happy with how I played. I sounded like myself, which isn't always the case. I felt like I showed the jury an honest representation of who they would be hiring if they chose to hire me. Surprisingly, my viola feelings are not hurt very much at all.
But I really thought I was going to move here. I really allowed myself to look at this town as if I were about to move here. And now I am really heartbroken. I thought that if I followed my little whim all the way to Norway, something magical would happen.
I don't really understand.